Best Advice for Couples: Elle Magazine Interview

ELLE MAGAZINE:  What are your top three pieces of love and dating advice based on your research and experience with couples?    

GRACE:  1. Listen with Your Heart—Good communicators listen for feelings as well as facts. They naturally make people feel special and heard. They “ooh and ahh” at the right place. They look you in the eye and are not easily distracted. We naturally fall for those people who “get us”…and to do this, you must really listen with your whole heart.

2. Be Yourself—authenticity is what we are seeking in relationships and it just happens to be the greatest turn on—too many people wear masks because they feel that who they are is not good enough or because of childhood wounds, they may feel unlovable. Women harshly judge themselves as not being perfect enough. The most common wound is not feeling “good enough”. If this is you, do some work on yourself. Gain greater self- awareness and self- acceptance. You’ve got to love you before you expect others to love you.

3.  Don’t Give Up on Love: It might feel like a battleground out there and you may have suffered relationship wounds. But don’t give up. We are mammals who need love and connection above all. There is a “special mammal” out there for everyone!

ELLE MAGAZINE: What’s the most interesting insight you’ve gleaned about love and relationships and why?
GRACE: Most marriages that end in divorce could actually be saved. In my work with over 2500 couples, I’ve learned that people considering divorce just don’t have the necessary emotional intelligence or maturity to navigate the negative feelings that inevitably accumulate in committed partnerships. Once they learn how to communicate and heal their negative feelings without blaming or shaming themselves or their partner, true intimacy is achieved. Relationships that were previously in crisis miraculously heal.  Empathy flows and trust is restored. I’ve seen couples do a complete 180 degree transformation and it is amazing to witness.

ELLE MAGAZINE: What’s the biggest challenge people encounter in love and relationships, and do you have any advice for overcoming this particular challenge?
GRACE: The biggest challenge is time.  Modern life bombards couples with work and family demands, and consequently the relationship takes a back seat. When couples are stressed or pressed for time, they don’t talk enough or share how they feel; they don’t do fun things together just the two of them. Advice? Be vigilant—check in emotionally with your partner weekly. Aim to have at least one date night per week. Once a year go on a vacation, just the two of you. Go for daily walks if you can to share your day and how you feel. And if there’s conflict and damage done, get help early. Very much like in medicine, early detection saves marriages and ensures long term happiness and life satisfaction.

Grace Cirocco
179 King Street
St. Catharines, ON
L2R 3J5 Canada
Telephone: (905) 688-0868
Fax: (905) 688-2788