Maybe you’ve heard about the book Top Regrets of the Dying by Brownie Ware? She was a nurse who asked people in palliative care what they regretted the most about their life.
At the top of the list was: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I find this very interesting—too often we are people pleasing machines. We’ve been conditioned this way especially women. Some people pleasing is unavoidable—we sacrifice for our children for example. It’s instinct. We want to help our kids become the best they can be. We please our elderly parents—we care for them, and we visit them, even though there are other demands on our time. We please our partners, this is the very essence of compromise and give and take. For example, we might take up hobbies that don’t interest us but it pleases them.
But how do you know when people pleasing becomes too much? So that you don’t have these lifelong regrets, ask yourself: Does this relationship, job or activity elevate my Spirit? If the relationship, job or activity lifts your emotional frequency; i.e. makes you feel light, joyful, connected, valued, then it is elevating your Spirit. The beginning of a new year is an excellent time to do this type of emotional house cleaning—
My brother John, who was only 61 passed away last September. It was a shock to all of us. He didn’t get much notice. The end came too soon. The first thing he said when he got the news was that there was still so much that he wanted to do—he was hoping he had a year. He got 29 days.
We all think we have an unlimited amount of time when the truth is, we don’t really know when our time will be up.
And if we don’t know how much more life we have—then doesn’t it make sense to re-evaluate how you spend your time and with whom? If you’re in a job that depresses you, makes you feel superfluous and not valued, shake things up. You don’t have to stay stuck. Open your mouth. Do some research. Upgrade your skills. Taking action is what will make you feel empowered.
If there are people who have forgotten you—who have ghosted you without a rhyme or reason—(these people I call cowards)—then cut the cord. STOP trying to figure it out. There are billions of people on this beautiful planet—some who really cherish and appreciate you. Focus on them. Clean out the cobwebs in your relationships—including family. They don’t have an absolute right to be in your life if they do not elevate your Spirit.
Another top regret of the dying? I wish that I had let myself be happier.
We are often stuck in victim mindsets and refuse to let go of old paradigms and belief systems. These limiting thoughts keep us stuck and unhappy because we feel helpless to make changes. Our negative thoughts go round and round. We worry about what others think of us.
Be brave. Think and act now so that you won’t be regretting anything on your deathbed.
I hope 2025 elevates our collective Spirit in amazing and unpredictable ways.
***The picture above is of Emerald Lake, Alberta, a place where my brother used to go to elevate his Spirit. R.I.P. my dear brother.