“For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the greatest work, the last and final work for which all other is but preparation”. ~R.M. Rilke
February is the month that many couples turn their attention to their relationship. Some ramp up the romance and go big with gifts and celebrations; others remain low-key. Whatever you do this Valentine’s Day, it’s a great time of year to get honest with your partner and take a “temperature read” on how you feel about your relationship.
Signs You May Need A Relationship Tune-up
- you feel you are drifting away
- you don’t feel “seen”, loved and appreciated by your partner
- you keep having the same arguments over and over
- there’s little or no physical intimacy
- you’re bitter and resentful about past hurts
- you no longer kiss good-bye or hello
- you crave “something more” in your relationship
- your anger towards your partner is spilling into other areas of your life
What You Can Do:
1. Get Professional Help:
Where did we get the idea that we’re supposed to be experts on everything? If something is not working with our car, we take it to a mechanic. If our tooth hurts, we go to a Dentist. Why then do we not seek help until often times, it’s too late? Your relationship is like a garden. You must notice if the plants are wilting or fading. It’s not greener on the other side or with someone else, it’s greener where you water it. If you’re impatient for results like me and want something less traditional and more effective, then join me at one of my upcoming Couples Retreats! They are intense but extremely effective!
2. Find time to hug every day.
Not touching in our culture has become a sick habit. We are mammals and we need affection. Give your partner a good morning and good night hug. Go to the door and greet your partner with a welcome home embrace. Get the kids to do the same. Rule: Whoever is home should go to the door. Dogs do it. Why don’t we? We need touch to survive and after a stressful day, a hug can be magical. In my workshops, I teach people how to hug heart- to- heart. I recommend you choose a favourite song, play it and then just hold each other in an embrace. The song has to be a special song for the two of you…maybe the song you first danced to. If you don’t have a song, choose one you both like and make it your “hug song”.
3. Share your Feelings:
Practice talking about your feelings with your significant other. If you can’t talk about them, then write them out. Feelings connect you to what’s sacred within you and when you share them with your mate they build the bridge of true intimacy, and real love. If all you’re doing is going through the motions, you may be suffering from a “flat-lined marriage” or a “transactional” relationship. Acknowledging and discussing how you feel without blame or shame is often the first step in improving your emotional connection.
4. Pay Attention to the Little Things
All that we do, all that we strive for, and all that we want is to love and be loved. Don’t blame your partner for the love you may lack. Instead whatever you want, give it away first. Give a kind word at the end of a busy day. Make a fuss over her, prepare him a special meal. Hug. Read poetry in bed. Leave a warm fuzzy in a lunchbox, or on voice mail, e-mail, or in their car. Pay attention to the little things. Plan something special just for the two of you. Celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s day. Talk. Please talk. Don’t let the stressors of your day-to-day life rob you of life’s greatest joys.
