From the Introduction
From AUTHENTICITY Chapter 1
From DESTINY Chapter 3
From COURAGE Chapter 5
From EMBRACE FAITH Chapter 6
From HEAL THE PAST Chapter 7
From PRACTISE LOVE Chapter 9
From CONNECT TO SPIRIT Chapter 10

Take The Step—The Bridge Will Be There

Contents:

From the Introduction

Taking Action

My soul does not find itself unless it acts.
Therefore it must act.
Stagnation and inactivity bring spiritual death.
-Thomas Merton

There are people who have plenty of faith, or so it would seem. They say they believe in themselves; they claim they can do anything. They appear confident and self-assured, and they talk constantly about all the things they’re going to do—someday. These people can’t move their lives forward because they don’t move their feet. They procrastinate, they complain, they postpone their lives. They suffer from analysis paralysis. These people will unfortunately never know whether their faith is real or not because they never test it by taking action. The truth is, you will never know whether you can really do something until you actually try it. Faith without action is not really faith. Only action makes faith real. Taking action builds bridges to possibilities. Action nurtures self-esteem and self-respect. When we stare down fear and take action, our lives can be transformed from ordinary to extraordinary.

In Part One of this book we will discuss how you can do the groundwork for taking action in your life. You’ll have an opportunity to ask yourself, “What do I really want? What brings me joy? What vision do I hold of my life and how can I get there? What have I been postponing? What am I waiting for?” You’ll have an opportunity to address what is still undone in your life.

The paradox is this: In order to take action and do, we must first learn how to be. The gateway to action is the powerful states of being that I will discuss in the next five chapters. Yes, you must act, but you must align your compass with what is most sacred to you. That can only be done by exploring who you are.

Nurturing Faith

At your most daring moments you believe that what is going on is the
ultimate human work—the shaping of a soul.
The power of life comes from within; go there; pray; meditate.
Reach for those luminous places in your Self.
-Ardis Whitman

All of us personally know some “action heroes”—people who are doers, who have no trouble taking the step. They appear to be fearless and dynamic. They have lots of projects on the go, but somehow they don’t seem to get any of them done. Many people end up feeling stuck. They can’t move their lives forward because they don’t have the necessary faith in themselves. They lack the connection to their magnificence, to their authenticity.

That is what happened to me. I took action—I registered a business, rented office space and sent out hundreds of packages outlining my services. But deep down I didn’t really believe I could make a living from doing work that I loved.

Even though we’re taking action on the outside, on the inside we may feel like imposters. Doubts, fears and demons from the past rear their ugly heads. We lack the internal authority to silence the doubt and say, “Yes, this is possible. I can do it!” Consequently, the action we take is often miscalculated, off target or not effective. Your body can’t go where your mind has never been. What we need to do first is convince ourselves that we can do it, nurture faith in ourselves, and then take the step.

In Part Two of the book, I discuss ways you can nurture faith—in yourself, in each other and in our world. So many of us feel we can’t cross the bridge because we don’t have the right credentials or the proper background. We feel that we may be “too much” or not enough. We believed the naysayers when they said, “It’s too difficult” or “It’s never been done before.” Why would we challenge all those years of programmed beliefs? The path of least resistance is to believe what we’re told. It’s never what you are that holds you back—it’s what you think you’re not. That’s why we need to grow faith if we are to achieve our goals.

When I speak about faith, I mean the faith we need to believe in our gifts, our talents, our dreams, our desires and our highest purpose. Nurturing faith in yourself is therefore nurturing faith in the vision you have of your life. It is growing the belief that you can do it, whatever “it” is for you. With faith, all is possible—even miracles.

Faith is like the tides; it is not always constant. There are days when we feel we can slay any dragon, and other days when we might as well offer ourselves up as the dragon’s next meal. The only way to keep your faith “tuned up” is to be true to your spiritual journey. Turn your eyes inward toward the Spirit that you are. See the Light. See the Love. We are reflections of the universal Love. See that which is holy and pure. Remember who you were just before you were born. You were Spirit, and that’s where you will return. The body and Ego have unfortunately allowed us to forget this.

The Spiritual Journey
The conditions of a solitary bird are five:
the first, that it flies to the highest point;
the second, that it does not suffer for company,
not even of its own kind;
the third, that it aims its beak to the skies;
the fourth, that it does not have a definite color;
the fifth, that it sings very softly.
-San Juan de la Cruz

There has been so much outward change in the world that it has forced many of us to begin an inner dialogue. In our effort to awaken to the beauty in our lives, many of us have embarked on a spiritual journey. This journey has taken us through “the dark nights of the soul” and the fires of transformation. This journey invites us to lead authentic lives and asks us to open our hearts to faith, hope and love.

The spiritual journey is not always easy. Our fears can seem insurmountable. And as we attempt to cross the bridge we can come face to face with the demons of the past. “Go back!” they shout. “The chasm will swallow you whole,” they warn, but we press on. We take the step—and with each step we grow our souls. And as we cross the bridge, Spirit helps us welcome miracles into our lives.

Miracles happen when we believe in our magnificence and take the step toward meaningful action. Miracles take place when compassion envelops our hearts and we see more clearly how to forgive and let go. Miracles follow us when we recognize the endless possibilities we have to create for ourselves. Miracles are everywhere when we truly believe that we’re One and that healing the planet will begin with healing ourselves. We are finally blessed by miracles when we make peace with the divine Presence in our lives.

Close your eyes for a moment. Imagine a bridge. What does it look like? Is it strong and steady or is it a suspension bridge that sways back and forth? Does it have good supports or is it in need of repairs? What is it made of? Is it a covered bridge? Is the bridge in a forest or over water? Is it obscured by fog or overgrowth? When you look at your bridge, does it give you confidence? Would you cross it? Your bridge represents the quality of your faith—faith in your dreams, in yourself and in a divine Voice that whispers guidance to you and sustains you during periods of doubt.

In the Bible the Apostle Peter talks about having to step out of the boat and into the water. He’s afraid and he can’t muster the courage to take the step. Then, through the mist, he sees Jesus walking on the water toward him. Peter can face his fear and take the step only while he has his eyes locked firmly on the eyes of his Master. If he looks down for even a second he loses his nerve. As long as he keeps looking at Jesus, he too can step into the sea and fear nothing. Like Peter, if we are to take that step into the abyss or over the bridge or into the sea of fear, we need to keep our gaze fixed on the vision—that which is sacred to us, that which nurtures us spiritually.

My hope is that the following pages will inspire you to cross the bridge to whatever future you desire. Once you’re inspired, you’ll have more confidence and courage to take bold steps. The answers are inside you; sometimes all you need to bring them forth are the right questions. May the reflections, personal stories, inspirational poems, quotations, suggestions and practical exercises I’ve included in this book trigger the right questions for your spiritual journey.

As you’re reading, let your mind meander to your life. Pause to reflect and jot down ideas that speak to you. Ask yourself, “How does this apply to my life?” Ideas are like seeds. They are the raw material on which our bridges are built. When we nurture the seeds of faith we realize we can do anything—even climb smooth vertical walls. What would you like to do but feel is impossible? If I were to say to you, “Take the step—the bridge will be there,” what would you think of first?

Faith and action are like two wings of an airplane that keep your life in flight. If only one wing works your voyage may be turbulent. You will not get to your final destination. You may not even make a safe landing. If you want to move your life forward, you need to make the journey with both wings. “Take the step—the bridge will be there” could easily be, “The bridge is there, so take the step.” It doesn’t matter which part of the equation you work on first. You need faith plus action if you are to actualize the best version of yourself.

I was concluding a number of seminars in Australia when a young woman from Melbourne hugged me hard and whispered in my ear, “Thank you, Grace. You’ve changed my life.” A month later I received a postcard from her saying, “You know when I whispered in your ear that you had changed my life? Well, I want you to know that you inspired me, but I changed my life. I didn’t know that then, but I know that now and I wanted to share it with you.” She had figured out the secret to her own empowerment.

Books, people and resources can be rays of sunshine in your life, but remember, you are the sun. You are a unique work of art in progress. Every day your choices help create your masterpiece. Savour the journey. Belong to this world and shine.

Grace Cirocco

June 2001

From AUTHENTICITY Chapter 1

Masks and Emotions

When you share your joy with me, you tell me what you belong to.
-Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Sometimes we bring our authentic, vulnerable Self out into the world like an enthusiastic puppy—only to run up against the masks of others. When this happens, we feel not only foolish, but also deeply betrayed. I had such an experience about ten years ago. I was part of a women’s healing group that met once a week. We were about to go on a weekend retreat, and before we went our leader wanted to take us through an exercise that would gauge how safe and comfortable we felt with each other. We were going to be doing some intensive “inner work” on the weekend, so it was important that we felt safe enough to bring out our authentic selves.

Our facilitator gave each of us a sheet of paper with the names of all the women in the group, and three sets of stickers. Red stickers were like red lights. They meant, “Stop! I’m not comfortable with you. I have an issue with you.” (Basically they meant, “I don’t like you.”) Yellow stickers were like amber lights: Proceed, but only with caution. Getting a yellow sticker meant, “I don’t really know you. I could feel comfortable, but I need to talk to you more.” Green stickers were green lights. The message was, “I like you. I feel comfortable with you.” After we had placed stickers beside all the names, we were told to meet each person individually to share how we felt about them.

Being who I am, I gave most people a green light. There were only a few ambers, but that was because I had missed a few sessions and hadn’t got to know everyone in the group yet. Then, after I told one woman—I’ll call her “Sue”—all the reasons why I had given her a green light, she responded with all the reasons why she had given me a red one. I remember the horrendous confusion and hurt that swelled inside me. I was shocked, especially because I had been totally loving and generous in my praise of her.

She had a problem, she said, with the way I blurted things out in the group, the way I was always asking everybody questions. She also had a problem with my “bubbly personality” and my “sickening enthusiasm.” In short, I was “too intense,” “too loud,” and “too much” for her, and she didn’t think she could feel comfortable around me. I couldn’t believe my ears. If she felt this way about me, why hadn’t I picked up on it sooner? How could I have been so naïve? Her words wounded me to the core. I spent the rest of the evening alone, too ashamed to face the others. It took a lot of courage and prompting from the leader and the rest of the group before she and I even considered going on the weekend, but eventually we both decided to go.

That weekend, during a psychodrama re-enactment of a dream, I learned things about Sue that opened my eyes and my heart to her. What came out was that, as a little girl, Sue had been very much like me—passionate, excitable, always bubbly, asking everyone lots of questions. Her mother didn’t like her that way and one day in a fit of anger she poured boiling water over her arms to shut her up. From that day forward, Sue took on the mask of “reserved, quiet little girl” and buried the part of herself that her mother did not accept and love. The adult Sue had been unaware that her authentic Self was more like me. Instead, she hated anybody who reminded her of the person she wasn’t allowed to be. That weekend experience was not only an eye-opener, but a soul-opener, too. It brought healing and forgiveness to our relationship and to the group as a whole. I became Sue’s unofficial coach, encouraging her to put her “quiet” mask aside and let her authentic Self come out to play with me.

We put on our masks to protect ourselves. And while we were children, they worked. But now it’s time to ask yourself some questions. Do your masks represent who you truly are? Are they betraying you? What are your emotional triggers? Could the “difficult” people in your life be aspects of your buried Self? Could these people provide the keys to unlock some of your unconscious masks? Are you projecting your masks onto the people in your life?

Masks keep us from uniting with our authentic Self. They prevent us from experiencing the joy, love and freedom that are our birthright. They also prevent us from crossing the bridge towards our dreams and the life we want. Wake up. Think. Be aware of anyone who causes you to put on a mask, and think about why you do so. The “why” may be a sign that it’s time for you to set your masks aside and bring forth your authentic core, your authentic Voice. Go deep. Connect with your inner child. Do some soul work. Mourn for the person you were not allowed to be. Expose the unconscious masks and let go of them. Better yet, have a ceremony—bury them and say good-bye.

From DESTINY Chapter 3

Contemplating Our Mortality

The midlife crisis . . . probably reflects the fact that at midlife one’s own death becomes less theoretical and more probable.
-Arthur J. Deikman

In his bestseller Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom writes about his visits to his old college professor, Morrie Schwartz, who is dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease, a brutal neurological disorder. As Morrie gets progressively worse, Mitch visits him every Tuesday and they have wonderful conversations about life. One week, when Mitch asks him about death, Morrie recommends that we imitate the Buddhists and be prepared for death at any time. The reason? So we can be more involved in our lives while we’re living them.

“The truth is, Mitch,” he tells his student, “once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.”[i] Morrie’s words are wise. It’s only when we contemplate our mortality that we know how we want to live. It’s only by contemplating our death that we feel the need to squeeze every last bit of joy out of our life. Morrie says that the reason we don’t focus on our death more often is because we’re all sleepwalking, living our lives by habit, not by intention. If you were told you had only one year to live, would you see things differently? Would you stop postponing your life and start taking action? How do you want to make a difference? How do you want to be remembered?

What Will They Say After You’re Gone?

All that is real in our past is the love we gave and the love we received. Everything else is an illusion.
-Marianne Williamson

One of the most poignant exercises I’ve ever done was to write down what I wanted people to say at my funeral. These are the sentiments you would want people to express about you after you’re gone. While our children were visiting their grandparents, my husband and I both sat down to visit with our destiny. It was New Year’s Eve, 1999, the close of one millennium and the dawn of a new one. It was time to realign my life.

I focused on what I wanted my friends and family to say about me after my death. What celebration statements would they offer? How would they evaluate my life? When I got to my children, I was overcome with emotion. I found myself asking, “What kind of mother do I want to be? How do I want to influence their lives? ” With tears in my eyes, I wrote, “She showed me kindness, compassion and unconditional love. She inspired me to reach for the stars. I am the person I am today because of my mother’s love.”

What did I want my friends to say? “Grace was a true friend. She believed in me and loved me, and always inspired me to look for the best in myself and others. She was an angel of compassion—that’s why God sent her to us.”

What did I want my clients to say? “Grace Cirocco inspired me to just do it! She taught me how to live life to the fullest and go for my dreams. Her passion for life and her love for all people means we are all richer just to have known her.”

The underlying question in the exercise is this: If that’s what I want each person to say about me, then what do I have to do every day to get there? In other words, what actions, what steps must I take to get those results?

Admitting to myself that this was the legacy I wanted to leave behind was a powerful exercise for me. I now had a clear path ahead. I revisited my mission statement and wrote down my goals. I needed to know where I was going to “send” my life in the new millennium. When it comes to the most important relationships in your life, doing an exercise like this will help you decide what is on the other side of your bridge—what you’re working towards. Once you figure out your what in each relationship, it’s easier to take action.

Sometimes you need to contemplate your death so you can reprioritize your life. Do you have a birthday coming up? Are summer holidays around the corner? Perhaps New Year’s Eve? If not, any day will do. Make yourself a pot of tea, put on your most comfortable clothes, sit in your favorite chair, and open your journal. Decide what you want people to say about you when you’re gone.

From Courage Chapter 5

Befriending Fear

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high,
Where knowledge is free . . .
Where tireless striving stretches the arms towards perfection . . .
-Rabindranath Tagore

How can we take the step despite our fear? After all, feeling scared is not unnatural. Our tendency is to ignore the fear, hide it or deny it. But fear needs to be understood and befriended if you are going to activate your action button. Learn to recognize fear as soon as it appears. Name it and locate it. Where, for example, do you feel the fear? For some people, fear lives in their stomach. For others, it lives in their legs. For others, it's a pounding in the chest. Where does fear live in your body? You need to recognize it, acknowledge it and understand it before you can overcome it and activate your action button. Also ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Coming face to face with your worst fear is the first step in conquering its power over you.

Then, using all your senses, delve into your fear. Describe it. First, what does your fear look like? What color is it? What shape? If you could draw it, what would it look like? If your fear had a voice, what would it say to you? Write down all the things your fear would tell you. Next, what does your fear taste like? Be descriptive. Don't just say "awful" or "bad." Use expressive language. For example, "My fear tastes as putrid as a truckload of rotten eggs." Finally, how does your fear smell? Again, be descriptive. By getting to know your fear in such an intimate way, you can break out of it and take action despite the fear. It is no longer the monster you thought it was. By unmasking it, you will know what it is.

Once we've understood our fear, we can start to move through it. But for some people, understanding their fear is still not enough. They can't move forward because they are plagued by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. The cure for hopelessness is faith. The cure for inadequacy is Love. We must learn to have compassion for ourselves and to accept ourselves despite our weaknesses. The greater our self-acceptance and self-love, the more action we will take. For some people, this is all they need to start taking small steps, but it's a bit of a catch-22. You've got to believe in yourself to take risks, but you have to take risks in order to believe in yourself. You will learn techniques for increasing self-love and faith in Part Two.

Right now, let's activate the action button with courage. I'd like to help you start thinking like a brave heart. How can courage help us? The root of the word is the Latin cor, meaning "heart." So when we say "take heart," we really mean "have courage." "Courage" is also the root word of "encouragement." When we encourage someone, we are giving them reinforcement for their heart. Brave hearts are in contact with their fear every day, yet they walk through it. They take action.

From EMBRACE FAITH Chapter 6

A Generation of Wounded Believers

I know many of my students are what I have come to think of as wounded Christians or wounded Jews. What came through to them was dogmatism and moralism, and it rubbed them the wrong way.
-Huston Smith

“I grew up as a wounded Christian. Sometimes I think of myself as religiously abused. Is there such a thing as religious abuse? My parents were born Roman Catholics, but when I was seven years old they became Jehovah’s Witnesses. Since I was still going to a Catholic school, I was being indoctrinated with opposing “truths” about God, the devil, heaven and hell. My parents hired a Sunday school teacher, “Signora Maria,” to tell me about Adam and Eve and the serpent and all the teachings of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I remember how disappointed I was when Signora Maria told me that only 144,000 people can go to heaven. I couldn’t believe it. After all, my teacher at school had told me that we all go to heaven. But here it was in black and white in the Bible—only 144,000 spots, reserved for extra-special people. I figured that those spots would already be taken by the time it was my turn to die. I became fearful. Where would I go? Where would Mom and Dad and John and Tony go? Probably to hell, I thought.

During the week my school teacher taught us stories from the Bible. When I detected inconsistencies, I brought them up with her. One day I heard her say that if we prayed and were good boys and girls, we would all go to heaven. I knew I had to set her straight.

“We’re not going to heaven,” I contradicted her. ”There are only 144,000 spots in heaven, and they will all be gone by the time we die. I’m afraid we’re all going to hell. You, too.”

My teacher was so horrified that I thought she was going to send me straight to the principal’s office. I had never seen her so upset. Instead, she took a deep breath and asked me where I had heard such a thing.

“My Sunday school teacher,” I replied.

“Well, that’s simply not true.”

“But it’s in the Bible, I swear. She even showed me. There are only 144,000 spots in heaven.”

“Nothing like that is in the Bible, Gracie. You must not have heard correctly. If you’re really convinced of it, show me. Here’s the Bible; show me where that is written.”

I was too innocent at that age to realize that there were different versions of the Bible—a Catholic version and a JW version. There I was in front of the whole class, flipping pages in the Bible, and desperately trying to find the reference. But I couldn’t.

“Where did you read it, Gracie? In the Farmer’s Almanac?” snickered someone in the class. I remember the loneliness I felt that day as I was going home on the bus. Who could I go to with this? My parents were too busy to care about such matters. I must have misunderstood Signora Maria. I’d clear it up that Sunday, I thought. My resolve seemed to calm the doubt that was slowly inching its way into my heart.

On Sunday I told Signora Maria what had happened, and she said she would convince me that she was right and my school teacher was wrong. She showed me the passage in the Bible again. When I asked why her Bible was different from the one at school, she told me hers was the true Bible, because it had been inspired by God. Who was I to believe? It was a time of confusion and frustration for a child who just wanted the adults to get their act together. Both religions were telling me that there was only one path to God. So both religions fueled my doubt in God and, sadly, in myself.

Buddhist wisdom says that when you reach the other side of the river, you can discard the rowboat because it is no longer needed. I think religion ought to work like this, too. Religion acts as the rowboat; it’s the tool. The “other side” is God. (I like the word “God,” but you may be more comfortable using a different word. Whenever I use “God,” please feel free to mentally replace it with a spiritual reference you feel comfortable using, for example, Universal Intelligence, Great Spirit, Holy Father, the Other, Holy Mother, Divine Wisdom, Holy Spirit, the Goddess, the Beloved.) Once you find God, you need to focus on God, and not on the rules of the religion. Many of us rejected faith when we rejected organized religion. I, for one, felt I had no right to have a relationship with God because I had turned my back on two religions. I had no rowboat. I was unaware that my spiritual faith was my ticket to God. I, like so many others, had confused religion with spirituality.”

From Heal the Past Chapter 7

Heal the Inner Fault Lines

Running away from suffering intensifies it; denying suffering intensifies it; wallowing in suffering intensifies it; blaming our suffering on others intensifies it. Anesthetizing it will work for only so long. And emotional shutdown is ultimately destructive to mind and body.
-Gabriele Rico

Most people at first glance seem happy and together. They're competent in at least some areas of their lives. They've learned how to play the game, they juggle their many roles and responsibilities and most of the time they appear to keep it all under control. But what the outside world doesn't see is the fault lines on the inside, which are susceptible to pressure.

Earthquakes occur along fault lines. Pressure builds beneath the earth's crust until the tectonic plates "slip" along a fault line and an earthquake results. In human terms, once sufficient stress has built up over time, the fault line will lead to a dramatic life event. The event could be, for example, a heart attack, diagnosis of a disease (the disease develops over time, of course, but its detection can be a shock) or the breakup of a marriage. By healing the fault line, however, we can pre-empt the dramatic event. If there is no fault line, no earthquake can happen.

Like Earth, we are riddled with internal fault lines. Unlike Earth, we have the potential to heal our fault lines one by one. What are these fault lines? They could be an abusive past, spiritual emptiness, feeling unwanted or unloved, clogged emotions, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression or loneliness.

In her book Pain and Possibility, Gabriele Rico talks about the death of her mother in a bombing raid when Rico was only seven years old. For many years she imagined there was a long, jagged crack across her heart, and she wondered if she would ever heal from it. As an adult Rico concludes, "we're all damaged somehow, somewhere-the real issue is not whether, but how, we learn to deal with our damage."

When his parents divorced, my client Marco was only ten years old. For reasons that are still unclear to him, he was sent to live with relatives in Spain. They were mean to him. Both his father and mother remarried in his native Nicaragua, but they never sent for him. He grew up feeling abandoned and unloved.

It's always when we're at the threshold of change that the question of healing our past emerges. "Cross that bridge," the nasty demons warn you, "but deal with us."
"No, not today," you reply. "I can't face you today." So you turn back. But Spirit grows impatient. It pushes you to take that step towards your destiny. Somewhere deep within you, you hear the voice saying, "It's time." As you look inside you see a tarnished mirror reflecting back all the tears you've never cried, the hurts that never healed-an infinite well of sadness. No band-aids will work. The wounds are still fresh, even now, after so many years. They've been waiting for you, waiting for the day when you have the courage to face them and heal them. Your soul has a special destiny. It wants to fly, but it can't fly if the emotional wounds of the past are not healed.

We must make friends with our past and take responsibility for it if we are to heal and reclaim our power. We all have "stuff" from our childhood locked in that Pandora's box deep inside us, stuff that needs healing. But most of us are unaware of it.

The healing journey is deeply personal, and there are many paths one can take. Every experience we bring into our lives becomes an opportunity to grow our souls and heal the past. Those experiences are the stepping stones on which we build our lives. They are the ladders to healing and fulfilling our mission here on earth. But while the paths are as varied as the individuals, there is a common destination. People want rich, meaningful lives filled with deep spiritual connections and loving relationships.

Meaningful healing takes place when there is a change of heart, expansion of consciousness, letting go, forgiveness, release of emotion, acceptance of something previously denied or reconnection. Healing the past can happen on many levels. It is not only a cure of the body, but a cure of the Spirit as well.

From PRACTISE LOVE Chapter 9

Romantic Love and the Path of Relationship

What is that you express in your eyes?
It seems to me more than all the words I have read in my life.
-Walt Whitman

Romantic love is one of the most magical experiences in the world. Falling in love means that your beloved’s essence has been planted in your soul, and as it takes root it consumes your every waking moment. Your desire and longing to merge as one flesh know no bounds. Being far away from your love is like internal hemorrhaging. You mourn, you cry, you wait and suffer. There is no joy until you can have complete communion of heart, body, mind and spirit. From this union is born the Other—the divine spark that ignites in Love. The vision of how God sees you is reflected in your beloved’s eyes—beautiful, radiant, alive and magnificent. When we're in love, we feel acknowledged, whole, complete and full—in short, blessed.

Naturally, when we meet a kindred spirit or a soulmate, someone who reflects who we really are, we want to hold on to that person forever. Why wouldn’t we? They’ve introduced us to parts of ourselves we had forgotten about. Through their eyes we see ourselves as the beautiful, warm, intelligent and passionate creatures that we are, and we fall in love with ourselves as well. Through their eyes we catch a glimpse of our divine magnificence. “Love is not a cool arrangement or a night in bed,” says Marianne Williamson in her book A Woman’s Worth. “Love is angels hovering, circling, calling us to seek the sky together. And when we do, we change our patterns. We become new women; we become new men."

Those who fall in love with us see the possibilities in our lives before we do. They complete our dreams. They hold a vision in their hearts for who we are. A while ago, I found a love letter I had sent to my husband in our student days. It was neatly folded in one of my philosophy texts, something I had been studying at the time. I had written, “I love you, Sant. I love you because when I’m with you I feel ‘full’ to the brim. I feel more Grace, more the person I was meant to be.”

Love is born in a glance, a knowing, a feeling, a soul connection, a synchronicity—and then it burns deeply inside us, like flames consuming wood. We cannot sleep, we cannot eat, we cannot think of anything but the object of our desire, our beloved. It is said that the experience of falling in love happens when one heart falls into energetic synchronization with another. It’s as if both hearts begin to beat synchronistically, with the same pulse and rhythm. When this heart-to-heart connection between two people happens, they feel an overwhelming attraction, almost a magnetic pull. They “fall” in love.

The emerging field of cardio-energetics says that the brain is ill equipped to translate this powerful magnetic energy between two people, but we do our best. “How do you know you’re in love with her?” I asked my client Rob, who was passionately in love with a woman for the first time in his life.

“I know I’m in love with her because she’s my first thought when I wake up in the morning and the last thought before I fall asleep, and pretty much every other thought in between.”

When destiny couples you, then you embark on the hero’s journey—the path of relationship. Some of us are terrified of true intimacy and of merging our hearts, souls, bodies—and pocketbooks—with someone else. It’s uncomfortable having to give up our sense of separateness and our individual rhythms. And that is precisely why relationships fail—because we haven’t been able to keep our sacred separateness.

There’s a man in Ireland who has an unusual hobby. He compares photographs of newlyweds with pictures taken ten years later, and he has found that most couples grow to resemble one another. He can also usually tell which people in the relationships have given up more of themselves—who has been more accommodating. Poet and Catholic scholar John O’Donohue calls this phenomenon a “subtle homogenizing force.” In his book Anam Cara he says, “One of the most precious things you should always preserve in friendship and in love is your own difference.”

Love is a dance between connecting and disconnecting, coming together and drawing apart. If this equilibrium can be maintained, the path of relationship brings with it intense joy and happiness. If it cannot be maintained, the path will bring us heartache and pain.

Sometimes Love arrives and there are no complications; the path to each other’s embrace is direct and unhindered. The two can walk hand in hand into the sunset. But sometimes it comes when it’s not convenient. It’s the wrong time, the wrong color, the wrong religion, or the wrong geography, and so we make excuses and turn away. We tell ourselves, “It’s too far”; “It’s not right”; “It’ll never work.” We take refuge in logic, conventional rules and the moral code of the day. And the more we deny, the more delirious and weightless we feel. The more the mind rationalizes, the more bitter and resentful the heart becomes. When Love lands on your doorstep, what will you do? If you have not allowed yourself to be ripped open by Love, then you have not lived. If you have not been drunk on passion, you have not touched the cheek of God. If you have not used your heart to love, then you don’t know who you are.

From Connect to Spirit Chapter 10

Cherish Moments of Grace

Grace in a graceless world requires immense personal courage. Our personal mission is to be in a state of grace, with everyone with whom we have been in contact, when our souls leave this planet.
-Lance Secretan

While teaching seminars in England one year I decided to take a trip to the county of Somerset and visit the spiritual center of Glastonbury. Glastonbury is the ancient Isle of Avalon, nestled at the foot of the Tor, close to its life-giving springs and just above the high-water mark of the Bristol Channel. Some people say it was the birthplace of Christianity in Britain, but Glastonbury has also been a focus for pagan, Arthurian and, lately, hippie and New Age beliefs.

According to legend, the Holy Grail, the chalice used by Jesus at the Last Supper, was buried at the foot of Glastonbury Tor by Joseph of Arimathea. Today the Chalice Well Gardens are just below the Tor, where spring water-once thought to be curative-has flowed since the dawn of time. As soon as I walked into the garden I was intrigued by the very female fountain, which spills into two circular pools, making a vesica pisces-a holy symbol that is associated with Glastonbury. The water descends through a series of vulva-shaped bowls of brownish stone that are nestled among rocks and surrounded by beautiful blooms and rich foliage. There was an older woman there, a tourist perhaps, sitting on the edge of the lower pool and dangling her foot in the water. The sounds of the waterfall, the shape of the bowls, and the woman whose expression seemed to say "I'm home"-all touched me deeply. It was a moment of grace.

I pressed a hand to my chest, took a deep breath and smiled back at the woman, who was enjoying my reaction to this unashamedly female fountain. She must have been affected just as I was and had paused to linger for a moment longer. "We are both goddesses," I thought. I was so grateful to be there and able to enjoy it in silence, in the sunshine, with a stranger who was also a kindred spirit. The whole Chalice Well Gardens experience for me was holy. It stands out in my memory as a moment of communication directly with God.

Moments of grace can arrive in many forms, some subtle and mundane and some powerful and transforming. Grace is any spiritual experience in which you feel the energy of the Divine bubbling up within you. Grace is the energy that suddenly illuminates you with understanding, allowing you to see what you could not grasp before. Grace can be an infusion of holiness in which you are overwhelmed by feelings of love and goodwill for everyone and everything, or an altered state of consciousness in which you feel an indescribable combination of hope, courage and love. Grace is all the extraordinary moments in your life. "For these reasons grace has long been deemed 'amazing,'" says Charlene Spretnak in "States of Grace." "Sometimes the consciousness of grace comes on quite suddenly and so intensely that the moment is never forgotten."

I was driving home one day listening to the car radio when I heard the song "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," by the group U2. I have always loved the song because of its existential message, but I had never heard this version before. It was a live recording with a gospel choir singing the chorus. The effect of so many joyful voices teaming up to sing the lyrics brought me a moment of grace. I was filled with indescribable energy; all I could do was cry.

Often during moments of grace I get an intense flash, a crystal-clear vision of the meaning of life. In those moments I feel simultaneously detached and connected. I mean detached in the sense of being able to let go of all the unimportant stuff, the busyness, the day-to-day worries, the conflicts, the bills-in short, the material world-and connected in that I feel a oneness with the spiritual Universe. These moments of grace are like spiritual orgasms-they last for a short time, but they bring extreme bliss, happiness and peace.

If you let them, moments of grace can change the way you look at your life and the way you live each moment. At times, because of the fast pace of life, I don't stop long enough to recognize my moments of grace or to properly appreciate their place in my life. But they are extremely valuable because they connect us to Spirit and to what nourishes us from the inside. Those are the times when we "get it"-when we can peel away the layers of illusion and see what's real. Those are the times we feel the abundant energy of God's Love, when we feel at one with our Creator and all of creation. Those are the times we transcend the mundane details of our lives and experience the Sacred.

Have you experienced such moments? Have you savored the serenity of that sweet communion with Spirit? Here are some ways to help grace visit your life:

• Stay conscious, alert and aware.
• Bring your thoughts to the present and fully participate in the moment.
• Keep your heart open to experiencing the sacred

Moments of grace happen when you're in a state to receive them. They are opportunities for you to dance with Spirit and reassurance that you belong to the divine Mystery. When moments of grace visit you, when your heart has been softened or when you feel enveloped by rapture, don't waste that inspiration. Do something with it. Show someone your love, commit a kindness, paint, write a poem, dance, create.

James Irwin, an Apollo astronaut who walked on the moon, looked back at Earth from space and said, "Seeing this has to change a man-it has to make a man appreciate the creation of God and the love of God." You don't have to leave Earth to experience these holy moments. Look around you, pause and bring your awareness to the present. Using all of your senses, drink in the beauty and the art that surrounds you, and you will be blessed by extraordinary moments of grace.